Cheesy Pick up Line of the Week

For my elementary classes, I wrote the following above a painting on my white board:

What do you see first?

What shapes do you see?

During my high school art class, I turned around to see the following answers scribbled on the board as well:

What do you see first? Ms. Page

What shapes do you see? I cannot see anythings without you

Because anything was written with an additional "s" I soon sleuthed out the English-language-learning culprit.

Cheesy Pick up Line of the Week

Our church meets in a large remodeled Peruvian house. Each Sunday, there are two greeters on each side of the door who kiss you and welcome you into church. Today I walked up to the church to see that thirty-something unibrow guy and sweet-old-lady-who-always-volunteers-for-everything were the greeters.

I was surprised that Unibrow Guy didn't say "good morning" but rather, just said my name...slowly.

Unibrow Guy: Eden...

Me: Good morning.

Unibrow Guy: Eden means paradise right?

Me: Yes it does.

Unibrow Guy: It makes sense because you look like a paradise today.

"I've got a love emergency" might make a great song lyric

My roommates and I get a lot of catcalls and whistles in Lima and here are the top 5 reasons why:

1. we are white

2. we have light eyes

3. we have light hair

4. because Peruvians are more expressive than Americans

5. because my roommates are good looking

Here are the top 3 oddest catcalls I have received:

1. “Hola Leche” (hey milk) – because I am white, get it?
2. “Hola Arroz” (hey rice) – again, because I am white
3. “Que bo-ni-to An-ge-li-to” (what a pretty angel)

However, today – I got the catcall of all catcalls.

To hear this story, you must first understand that in Peru, when an ambulance is going down the street, they not only have bright flashing lights but also loudspeakers. Oftentimes you will hear a muffled voice say sharply, “Pull off to the side of the road!” and then, if people do not comply, “At this instant! Pull off to the side of the road!” and then, if people still do not comply, “HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL YOU PEOPLE!!! GET OFF THE ROAD!!! THIS IS A LIFE AND DEATH SITUATION! HAVE YOU NO HEART!!!” (ok so I have never actually heard the last loudspeaker saying – but I wouldn’t be surprised if it has been said).

Anyhow, this morning I was riding my bike and stared at the ambulance as it was passing me. Out of the loudspeaker, for all the world to hear, came, “Que bonito los ojos!” (translation: What pretty eyes you have).

4 Christian Romances

Here are some Christian books I discovered but did not add to my last post - The fact that I did not make them up is even hard for me to believe.























"Eddie and Elaine Doherty's marriage crumbled when he slid into compulsive gambling ten years ago. Now, after a life-changing car wreck, Eddie desires only to live his life for God and family--his wife and two daughters--and to work toward making their ailing mushroom farm succeed. Will Eddie's newfound faith in Christ prove sufficient as times grow harder?"























"Lois Johnson broke up with her rich boyfriend who wasn't a Christian. She's committed to serving the Lord through her new job. When Slow-Joe the Clown falls into her lap, Lois wonders if he might be the man God has in mind for her. Can Joe connect with his real feelings, or will he spend the rest of his life clowning around?"
























"At first, Olivia passes over the ad incredulously. What kind of man advertises for a wife? But as time goes by and she can't find work, the "job" sounds more interesting. What better way to earn money for acting school? She can be Juliet to this Romeo, can't she?"
























"Michael is a fixer. Jeanie has spent the last year rebuilding her life. She knows God loves and has forgiven her. She finds herself stronger in that knowledge every day…until Michael arrives and brings with him all the regrets and shame of the past. Will Jeanie ever be able to trust herself or her husband again? Can Michael overcome his hurtful, controlling ways? Only God, the true Fixer of mankind, knows the answers."

Newspaper Clipping from the End Times

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colorado, — Christianware, Inc., a supplier for Christian bookstores worldwide, today announced a new product that will enable born again women to convert the secular romance novels they once used to gratify the desires of their sinful nature into romance novels that will encourage more heavenly desires.

“I am excited to introduce the Christian Romance Novel Converter," said Jedidiah Thomas, president of Christianware, "You simply place a worldly romance novel into the converter, wait 10 minutes for the book conversion machinery to perform its function, and then open up the converter to find a Christian romance novel much better suited to women of a Christian mindset."

Jedidiah Thomas believes this product will be especially valued by energy efficient minded Christians, "Book burnings, though useful for purging households of sinful literature, can often pollute the air with hellish fumes. The Christian Romance Novel Converter provides a green alternative."

We at The End Times decided to purchase and test the converter.

First we inserted Dark Desires after Dusk, a novel drenched in sinful alliteration.

We were pleased with the results. Out of the converter came Forgiven. Note that the sinful abdomens of "Dark Desires" are now safely concealed by a buttoned up polo. An ethereal, lavender mist overtakes the cover's previous darkness as if it belongs in a Thomas Kinkade painting.

We then proceeded to test the converter with Pirate in my Arms, which glorifies piratey commandment breakage and sin.

Out of the converter came delightful Whale of a Marriage, which encourages the more civilized and Christian career of whaling.


We then inserted Tempt Me - a novel which appears to have been published in Hell itself...


...and out came God's Gift. Note how the innocent puppy now leads young couple away from the temptation of physical contact.
Next, we tested how the machine would work on fantasy romance novels...

...and we were pleased with the less passionate result.


We performed the final test with the seductively secular Ghost Hunter.

In only 10 minutes the the Ghost Hunter had accepted Jesus into the heart of it's pages and was converted into The Lumberjack's Lady, a modest tale which fills the reader's head with wood chopping rather than ghosts and other spirits of the underworld.

We were especially pleased that the hero of "The Lumberjack's Lady" closely resembles the Brawny Paper Towels man. The Lumberjack's Lady will not only encourage Christian women to occupy their minds with more pure and light matters such as puppy dogs, lavender mists, and whaling but also will keep their minds on being the housekeeping proverbs 31 wives God intended them to be.

We at The End Times conclude that the Christian Romance Novel Converter it is going to be a success and blessing to Christian households worldwide.