Quote of the Week: Celu's de Pecado

To give visual context to the story I am about to tell...

...here is the outside of my church:

...and here is the inside:

El Pastor hates cell phones. Last week he took 2 minutes just to make sure everyone had theirs turned off. So, at church today, the inevitable happened.

At the beginning of the sermon, a cheerful little tune began polluting the rooms sound waves. El Pastor immediately stopped his message and turned towards the sound, silent, a frigid stare on his face. Some people, including me, giggled shyly.

El Pastor: Whose cell phone is that?!

Cell Phone Owner: (in silence, reaches into bag to turn off cell phone. Though he is trying not to move an inch of his body so as to remain anonymous, all can see him and El Pastor's eyes narrow at him).

El Pastor: Turn it off now.

After this scene, all over the room, cell-phone-turning-off sounds can be heard.

El Pastor: Anyone else?

One more cell phone-turn-off sound can be heard and then... silence.

El Pastor: (then turns to the owner of the cheerful little tune) You know what? This is sin!

It is more and more obvious to me that I live in a shame culture which pretty much means that people are motivated by fear of being shamed. Most those who read this are from the United States, where people are more motivated because they are afraid of feeling guilt. In reality, we shouldn't be motivated by either shame or guilt but only controlled by the love of Christ and we should motivate one another only towards Him, only through Him. This is something you, I, and Christians everywhere don't do, and we all need to think out the implications of this bit of knowledge.

Still, I applaud El Pastor for doing something about the annoying cell phones.

Cheesy Pick up Line of the Week

Our church meets in a large remodeled Peruvian house. Each Sunday, there are two greeters on each side of the door who kiss you and welcome you into church. Today I walked up to the church to see that thirty-something unibrow guy and sweet-old-lady-who-always-volunteers-for-everything were the greeters.

I was surprised that Unibrow Guy didn't say "good morning" but rather, just said my name...slowly.

Unibrow Guy: Eden...

Me: Good morning.

Unibrow Guy: Eden means paradise right?

Me: Yes it does.

Unibrow Guy: It makes sense because you look like a paradise today.

Peruvian Culture Fact #1

In Peru, a common phrase is "poco a poco," or "little by little" as that is often how life goes here. It is a short way of saying, "things take time so lets all be patient." I hear it most often used with Americans who are furious when they find that something they wanted done for them by a Peruvian isn't happening in what they believe is reasonable time.

Today, the following usage of the word made my friends and I laugh silently at church today:

Pastor Ramiro (yelling): When you are born again, your life makes a 180 degree turn and its DRAMATIC! You don't say, "I used to be in a relationship with five women - but now that I am born again I am changed - I am in a relationship with only three!" Or... you don't say, "I used to get drunk off of five beers - but now that I am born again I am changed - I only get drunk off of one!"

A soft whine comes from someone sitting behind us: Poco a poco.

Peru and Prejudice

While at church, I suddenly transform into the heroine of a Jane Austen Novel as I have my own Peruvian Mr. Collins to torture me there – he is about 6 inches shorter than me, quiet in a creepy way, and is always lurking behind me. Occasionally, he sends shivers up my spine by tapping me on the shoulder...softly.

He took me by the arm today so that he could introduce me to his grandmother, who seemed to think a match between her grandson and I would be quite satisfactory. After this they asked me if I would sit and eat lunch with them at the church anniversary party. I tried to politely excuse myself by saying I was planning on eating with my friend (Kyle the Americana) who, if they would please excuse me, I was needing to find right now. After scanning the room I could not find her and, as he was still lurking behind me, I desperately fled to the bathroom.

After this, he was just around the corner, looking my way, and so I hid behind a pillar. He would be sure to see me soon! I needed an escape. A girl I know walked by and I caught her, “Hi! So good to see you! Are you staying for lunch? Mind if I wait with you?”

Mr. Collins, though a pain, helped me to gain a new friend today.

Q: Why don't you go to Sunday School, Eden?

A: Because the church service alone is 3 hours long and I can only take in so much Spanish in one blow.

Here is how they manage to make the service twice as long as I am accustomed to:

10:30AM
Service is supposed to begin
10:40AM
Service begins

10 minutes of prayer
30 minutes of worship
NOTE: Worship at my church is pretty special because:

1. tone deaf or not everyone sings with all their might
   
2. the super old keyboard makes every song a true 80's experience - worship often sounds exactly like this actually.
   
3. The guy playing the keyboard does have a mullet now (see him in an older photo below).
4. the songs usually are made up of meaningful rather than meaningless lyrics.

30 minutes of a special presentation (missions presentation/testimonies/skit etc).
60 minutes of preaching (if speaker is feeling merciful; +15 more minutes if he isn't)
20 minutes of communion
10 minutes for offering
20 minutes of announcements
10 minutes for prayer and one last song

1:30PM service over
30 to 60 minutes of everyone talking amongst their friends and family and only then do they go to eat lunch (which often takes about an hour to eat).

I will resist describing the young adult group I attend Saturday nights which usually lasts 4 hours. Peruvians have little room for ADHD, lots of room for relationships. Though they require me to change my nature, I love them sometimes.