"Somewhere out there is a lady who I think will never be a nun. Auf Wiedersehen, darling."

While vacationing with my family around Peru (see pictures here) we stumbled across this scandelous poster hanging from an eyeglass store.

Signs Too Risque for Facebook

Note:

I just finished putting my Huaraz pictures on facebook. Check them out here.

Now, there were some photos which I didn't upload to the facebook album because I am facebook friends with many of those of more delicate natures (i.e. my students) (Ok, now I want you to reread that last sentence as if it were flowing out of the mouth of Mr. Collins himself).

But fortunately, because you read my blog, you are not of that nature and can read on and take a look at the forbidden photos.

Now for the photos.

1. While walking along the streets of Huaraz, we stumbled upon something quite shocking!

Of course we had to ask why on earth the store had that name.

"I don't know," the owner replied, "it just helps us get business I guess because people think the name is weird and then visit our store."

2. While in Yungay, many of us stopped to use the restroom. In the States, you go to the woman's bathroom and signs look like this.

But not in Peru...

Mis hermanos no tienen límites/ My brothers are without boundaries

Peruvians are a lot of things, but they are not politically correct. They will say that they believe themselves open minded and respectful of all cultures and statuses. But then they will turn around and call their chubby sister "gordita" (little fat one) or their korean friend "chino" (chinese) or their husband "feo" (ugly). You ask them why and they will tell you "it's an endearing term" or "it's what we all have always called him."

Chicha Morada: a peruvian drink made of purple corn.

Negrita: little black woman.

Chicha Morada Negrita: a storebought brand of chicha morada (note the very steriotyped black woman on the package).

So when we went to a restaurant last night and this is what the menu said...

Negrita.......................................S/. 3

Josue: Oh look, this menu says that for just 3 soles you can order yourself a negrita. Anyone want a slave woman to wash their dishes, take out their trash, and do other household chores?

Me: did he just say what I think he said?

Unfortunately, yes, he did. However he is Afro Peruvian meaning his purpose in saying that was not to show disrespect to the tragic history of slavery in Peru. Rather, he was enjoying the horrified expressions on our faces as he opened up a realm of dark humor to us which we can never enter.

I was talking to a colleague's wife when I heard even more of Josue's doings:

Me: So last night I was hanging out with Nadia, Josue’s girlfriend.

Annie: Josue has a girlfriend?

Me: Yeah, she is really nice, don’t know what she is thinking. AND she is about 5 years older than him. He likes older women aparently.

Annie: Oh I know that already…

Me: What do you mean?

Annie: Well…its kind of embarrassing.

Me: do tell.

Annie: Well, on Sundays I will be standing next to my husband and four children and Josue will be up on stage playing his bass during worship. On occasion, I'll be looking up front and occasionally I will catch his eye and he does this:

(below is the look she demonstrated for me along with a short head lift)

Annie: What on earth is he thinking? I could be his mother, Eden!

I think he would be much more annoying to me except that he really reminds me of my real older brother, who loves pushing and destroying boundaries in similar ways for humor's sake.

Mis Hermanos Menores/ My Little Brothers

17 to 25 year olds go to my Grupo. There are a lot of younger guys that go as well as many older girls. This has caused there to be a huge gap in maturity levels which makes things interesting… and painful. Let me show you just how painful:

1. Last night, the Pastor was leading the usual bible study. He let us know that he was thinking about starting up a class on God’s view of sexuality. Whispers and soft giggling immediately filled the room. I could almost feel the maturity levels dropping as El Pastor began to explain what the course would be about. He ended the introduction by saying, “It is very important for us to look at sex for just what it is – a blessing from God.”

And then at least three of the guys in the room shouted out a hearty, “Amen!”

2. Josue is a 17 year old guy who acts like an annoying little brother. His favorite pastime is calling me “Miss Page” rather than “Eden.” He does this because he feels it his duty to remind me during my leisure time that I am a mature, hardworking teacher and that it is my job and mine alone to stop relaxing and step up and take responsibility when responsibility is needed (even though often he is the one who creates all the problems to solve).

Here is an example:

Children are making noise and running around restaurant. Many in the restaurant are turning around and looking at them in annoyance.

Josue then says, “Oh but wait! No fears. We have a professora among us!” He turns to me, “Ok Miss Page, take care of them.”

3. Another time, Josue took the hand of Cristian and started holding it just the same way he would hold the hand of his girlfriend. He then turned his head back dramatically and batted his eyelashes at me as if showing off his newest catch.

I immediately asked one of the guys who knows some English, “How do you say ‘scars on my mind’ in Spanish?”

4. Mariano and Cynthia are walking and talking in front of a group of us guys and girls.

“Wait, wait, lets sit back and admire them” says Josue, not letting us pass so that Mariano and Cynthia walk on alone, “Wouldn’t they make such a beautiful couple?”

5. Our intern gringa, Bethany, is just beginning to get a grasp on Spanish. They often pick on her by saying something super fast in Spanish and then turning to Bethany sharply and saying, “Understand?”

I was talking with Mariano later and he asked me, “You have a lot of Americana friends visit this church. So why do none of your friends return? Are the guys not tall and hot enough for them?”

I just laughed but I should have said in reply, “It’s not a physical thing as much as it is a maturity thing.” However, although immature often, they can often surprise you.

6. One of the guys stops and lets me pass him as we are going down the steps.

“What are you doing?” I ask, thinking he is up to another trick.

“Just being a gentleman.”

“Oh.”

Still, none of these guys can ever replace my real little brother.

Mis Hermanos Menores/ My Little Brothers

17 to 25 year olds go to my Grupo. There are a lot of younger guys that go as well as many older girls. This has caused there to be a huge gap in maturity levels which makes things interesting… and painful. Let me show you just how painful:

1. Last night, the Pastor was leading the usual bible study. He let us know that he was thinking about starting up a class on God’s view of sexuality. Whispers and soft giggling immediately filled the room. I could almost feel the maturity levels dropping as El Pastor began to explain what the course would be about. He ended the introduction by saying, “It is very important for us to look at sex for just what it is – a blessing from God.”

And then at least three of the guys in the room shouted out a hearty, “Amen!”

2. Josue is a 17 year old guy who acts like an annoying little brother. His favorite pastime is calling me “Miss Page” rather than “Eden.” He does this because he feels it his duty to remind me during my leisure time that I am a mature, hardworking teacher and that it is my job and mine alone to stop relaxing and step up and take responsibility when responsibility is needed (even though often he is the one who creates all the problems to solve).

Here is an example:

Children are making noise and running around restaurant. Many in the restaurant are turning around and looking at them in annoyance.

Josue then says, “Oh but wait! No fears. We have a professora among us!” He turns to me, “Ok Miss Page, take care of them.”

3. Another time, Josue took the hand of Cristian and started holding it just the same way he would hold the hand of his girlfriend. He then turned his head back dramatically and batted his eyelashes at me as if showing off his newest catch.

I immediately asked one of the guys who knows some English, “How do you say ‘scars on my mind’ in Spanish?”

4. Mariano and Cynthia are walking and talking in front of a group of us guys and girls.

“Wait, wait, lets sit back and admire them” says Josue, not letting us pass so that Mariano and Cynthia walk on alone, “Wouldn’t they make such a beautiful couple?”

5. Our intern gringa, Bethany, is just beginning to get a grasp on Spanish. They often pick on her by saying something super fast in Spanish and then turning to Bethany sharply and saying, “Understand?”

I was talking with Mariano later and he asked me, “You have a lot of Americana friends visit this church. So why do none of your friends return? Are the guys not tall and hot enough for them?”

I just laughed but I should have said in reply, “It’s not a physical thing as much as it is a maturity thing.” However, although immature often, they can often surprise you.

6. One of the guys stops and lets me pass him as we are going down the steps.

“What are you doing?” I ask, thinking he is up to another trick.

“Just being a gentleman.”

“Oh.”

Still, none of these guys can ever replace my real little brother.

I am lost for I am a woman of unclean lips

After two horrific Spanish language mistakes this last week, I don't feel like a very good missionary in Peru. I have decided to post them even though they are risqué to increase your entertainment and decrease my pride.

What I meant to say: “Hey, did you catch a wave?”

What I actually said: “Hey, did you have a one night stand with the wave?”

What I meant to say: “Every morning for breakfast I like to put strawberry flavored jam on my bread”

What I actually said: “Every morning for breakfast I like to put strawberry flavored condoms on my bread”

Lucas*

*name is not really Lucas

I happened to be walking alongside 9-year-old Lucas, whose father is a teacher at the school, in the hall about a week ago. He was carrying his father’s briefcase and shoulder bag for him. As we happened to be walking together down the hall he said in a man-voice, "I have big things planned for my classes tomorrow."

Michelle (a volunteer mom at the school): I like your new haircut, Lucas - it looks good on you.
Lucas: Don’t you already have a husband?