Cheesy Pick up Line of the Week

For my elementary classes, I wrote the following above a painting on my white board:

What do you see first?

What shapes do you see?

During my high school art class, I turned around to see the following answers scribbled on the board as well:

What do you see first? Ms. Page

What shapes do you see? I cannot see anythings without you

Because anything was written with an additional "s" I soon sleuthed out the English-language-learning culprit.

Museo de Zoologia

One of my favorite museums we visited was a museum of very poorly taxidermied animals. They had an ROUS we promise - he had sharp, large teeth and was leering at me in a way that made me want to distance myself from him even though he was hardly able to jump on me and rip my shoulder off.

There was much marine life represented...

as well as a killer monkey...

and llamas in about-to-strike-you-dead positions.

Altogether a wonderfully haunting experience.

Do you take pictures...or do pictures take you...

My family has a tradition of playing with picture themes on our trips together. Below are three collections of pictures from this last trip with some family in Peru.

Collection 1: interpretive tree dancing

Collection 2: Wedding Invite Silhouettes

Collection 3: Interactive Paintings

The Mannequin Returns

My mom and Brother Joel have been here for the last month and just left last night.

Joel found some more uses for my new mannequin arm and a Peruvian face mask...

...and we both found some new mannequins with which to pose while we traveled around different regions of Peru.

Maniaquins

I was delighted to find that the school play was all about mannequins (nice choice Amanda and Laura). I was even more delighted when one of the props (an actual mannequin arm) was offered to me to be used in my art classes.

But we found that it not only is a wonderful prop and object to draw. Here are other creative ways to use a mannequin arm:

• Creep out your students… and then the parents of your students by touching them with it when their backs are turned
• Slide it up your sleeve and have an extra long and goofy arm
• Get odd looks when you greet people on the street with your long and goofy arm
• Put it in your armpit and act like a t-rex
• Pretend like it is your actual arm and scream in pain when someone pulls it off when they shake your hand
• Make wonderful puns like, “Hey! Do you need a hand?
• Flag down taxis then reject them with the appropriate Peruvian arm gestures
• Accidentaly leave it on the floor under a pile of sheets and frighten your maid, Elida.

Cheesy Pick up Line of the Week

Our church meets in a large remodeled Peruvian house. Each Sunday, there are two greeters on each side of the door who kiss you and welcome you into church. Today I walked up to the church to see that thirty-something unibrow guy and sweet-old-lady-who-always-volunteers-for-everything were the greeters.

I was surprised that Unibrow Guy didn't say "good morning" but rather, just said my name...slowly.

Unibrow Guy: Eden...

Me: Good morning.

Unibrow Guy: Eden means paradise right?

Me: Yes it does.

Unibrow Guy: It makes sense because you look like a paradise today.

An Idiots Guide to Dummies: Second Edition

My obsession has not ended but rather, has been strengthened...

First, because I discovered a new species of creepy mannequins while on my trip to Huaraz...

and second, because I have found someone with the same passion for mannequin pictures as I have.

Everyone...meet Claire!

Together, we make a great posing-with-creepy-mannequins team. 

I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that...

One of the evenings on which I was hanging out with Bethany, a gringa who goes to my church working as a short term missionary, we were walking around a park to see what things were going on. We ended up watching Merengue dancers with a crowd of Peruvians.

Then this younger Peruvian guy with longer, slimy brown hair turned to me and said in an even slimier voice, “What ti-i-i-me is it.” Bethany told me later that he sounded like a Harry Potter villan.

“Its 6:50” I answered.

“Thank yo-u-u-u,” the words slithered out of his mouth.

“Let’s go” I told Bethany. I really don’t like talking to creepy Peruvian guys, especially ones who are so unfortunate as to have the voice and hair of Professor Snape.

"I've got a love emergency" might make a great song lyric

My roommates and I get a lot of catcalls and whistles in Lima and here are the top 5 reasons why:

1. we are white

2. we have light eyes

3. we have light hair

4. because Peruvians are more expressive than Americans

5. because my roommates are good looking

Here are the top 3 oddest catcalls I have received:

1. “Hola Leche” (hey milk) – because I am white, get it?
2. “Hola Arroz” (hey rice) – again, because I am white
3. “Que bo-ni-to An-ge-li-to” (what a pretty angel)

However, today – I got the catcall of all catcalls.

To hear this story, you must first understand that in Peru, when an ambulance is going down the street, they not only have bright flashing lights but also loudspeakers. Oftentimes you will hear a muffled voice say sharply, “Pull off to the side of the road!” and then, if people do not comply, “At this instant! Pull off to the side of the road!” and then, if people still do not comply, “HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL YOU PEOPLE!!! GET OFF THE ROAD!!! THIS IS A LIFE AND DEATH SITUATION! HAVE YOU NO HEART!!!” (ok so I have never actually heard the last loudspeaker saying – but I wouldn’t be surprised if it has been said).

Anyhow, this morning I was riding my bike and stared at the ambulance as it was passing me. Out of the loudspeaker, for all the world to hear, came, “Que bonito los ojos!” (translation: What pretty eyes you have).

An Idiots Guide to Dummies

It began in the Magdalena Market 5 minutes from my house. He was always standing there, always smiling. His cheesiness mocked me... and occasionally would make me want cheese. On some days he would be wearing a pair of briefs along with a sweater while on colder days he would don a pair of tights, bathrobe, and a simple scarf. Before she left Peru, Dale pulled out her camera and photographed me with him. It was then that it all began.

This continued on the Arequipa trip I went on few months ago. In the darkest corner of our hostel I found her.

Finally, while walking recently down the streets of Huancayo, I stumbled upon one with skin like the night sky. Next to him a companion with the worlds longest side burns. Yes, we were the cause of the laughter of the two salesman in the background of the picture.

It has only been hours since I have realized that I have a thing with taking photos with creepy mannequins ...and I am afraid that my mannequin obsession will not end here.

Que profesora creeposa!

When we were in Arequipa we saw a strange advertisement for an educational facility. On it was an innocent looking little girl being taught by a very creepy professor (shifty eyes and a sinister smile). Though we didn’t get a photo of the sign, Kathy and Lauren reenacted it in the photograph below and I can vouch that they reenacted it well.

Kathy played the part as the creepy teacher, Lauren as the innocent young student.


Well, I got my Peruvian ID a few weeks ago, which means I am a resident of Peru and no longer a tourist of Peru. When I was getting my ID photo taken, the camera caught me unawares. And when I was handed my ID, my photograph made me gasp.

My ID photo hints that in the depths of every teacher's heart there is a shifty-eyed teacher waiting for a chance to capture her character. And each one has the same smile.

Peru and Prejudice

While at church, I suddenly transform into the heroine of a Jane Austen Novel as I have my own Peruvian Mr. Collins to torture me there – he is about 6 inches shorter than me, quiet in a creepy way, and is always lurking behind me. Occasionally, he sends shivers up my spine by tapping me on the shoulder...softly.

He took me by the arm today so that he could introduce me to his grandmother, who seemed to think a match between her grandson and I would be quite satisfactory. After this they asked me if I would sit and eat lunch with them at the church anniversary party. I tried to politely excuse myself by saying I was planning on eating with my friend (Kyle the Americana) who, if they would please excuse me, I was needing to find right now. After scanning the room I could not find her and, as he was still lurking behind me, I desperately fled to the bathroom.

After this, he was just around the corner, looking my way, and so I hid behind a pillar. He would be sure to see me soon! I needed an escape. A girl I know walked by and I caught her, “Hi! So good to see you! Are you staying for lunch? Mind if I wait with you?”

Mr. Collins, though a pain, helped me to gain a new friend today.

Eden's Art Class of Mystical Wonders

.After a frantic search for something for my students to draw, I laid my eyes upon a glass-encased eagle head in the library. The school's mascot is the eagle. I went to Elizabeth, our secretary and temporary librarian, to ask her if I could use it.
Elizabeth's reply: (in cute Peruvian accent) "Sure! That thing has been creeping me out! Get it out of here."

I then proceeded to "get it out of there."

Eden: Amanda, could you help me lift down this eagle head from the shelf.
Amanda: Sure.
(we lift down the eagle head and set it on the table where Amanda and Jessica are working)
Jessica: That eagle head sure is creepy
Eden and Amanda: Yeah…
Eden: Well, I have to go teach a class for a bit. Would you mind guarding the eagle head for me while I am gone?
Jessica: Sure. As long as it isn't here for too long.
Eden: (Eden turns the eagle head so it appears to be looking straight at Jessica) I am just going to leave it like this…
(pause)
Jessica: …ok the head can't be facing me.

As the eagle head creeped me out in my classroom as well (especially when I was in there alone during planning periods), I covered it with a blanket. At the end of the day, Vanessa, the janitor, was curious to know what the blanket covered object was.

Vanessa: What secrets do you have hidden here?
Eden: Oh, just the eagle head. I took it from the library.
Vanessa: You're such a thief!
Eden: I know
Vanessa: (peeks under blanket) That is really scary looking (then whispers, as if seeing the eagle's creepiness has broken her spirit) Ok, Eden. I won't tell anyone.


Here is the eagle head.

*title reference

3 reasons why my week was amazing

1. Students did a wonderful (and sometimes creepy) job posing and drawing one another on Friday.

2. Though leading mural painting for a ICSL "spiritual emphasis week" activity made these last two weeks challenging, the work was well worth it. The 4th-7th graders did an excellent job! (It will be complete soon).
3. I was able to actually complete some artwork of my own for the first time in a month or two this Saturday!

Hooray for watercolor pencils!




Quote of the week

Background Information: All students are gathered together in the meeting hall on the last hour of the day on Friday for what the school schedule said would be a "concert," put together by 3 middle-aged men (fathers and teachers of the students). I was sitting next to a group of my students as we were waiting for the "concert" to begin.

Student: Why are they calling this a "concert" anyway? It's not going to be like a real concert is it?
Miss Page: I don't think so, but when the band comes up, we should scream like it IS a real concert.
Student: Yeah! Like they're a boy band.
Miss Page: Um... Ok.

So now my throat still hurts, three middle aged men feel 30 years younger, and the administration may be reconsidering requiring teachers to sit amongst the students during assemblies.