Quote of the Week: Celu's de Pecado

To give visual context to the story I am about to tell...

...here is the outside of my church:

...and here is the inside:

El Pastor hates cell phones. Last week he took 2 minutes just to make sure everyone had theirs turned off. So, at church today, the inevitable happened.

At the beginning of the sermon, a cheerful little tune began polluting the rooms sound waves. El Pastor immediately stopped his message and turned towards the sound, silent, a frigid stare on his face. Some people, including me, giggled shyly.

El Pastor: Whose cell phone is that?!

Cell Phone Owner: (in silence, reaches into bag to turn off cell phone. Though he is trying not to move an inch of his body so as to remain anonymous, all can see him and El Pastor's eyes narrow at him).

El Pastor: Turn it off now.

After this scene, all over the room, cell-phone-turning-off sounds can be heard.

El Pastor: Anyone else?

One more cell phone-turn-off sound can be heard and then... silence.

El Pastor: (then turns to the owner of the cheerful little tune) You know what? This is sin!

It is more and more obvious to me that I live in a shame culture which pretty much means that people are motivated by fear of being shamed. Most those who read this are from the United States, where people are more motivated because they are afraid of feeling guilt. In reality, we shouldn't be motivated by either shame or guilt but only controlled by the love of Christ and we should motivate one another only towards Him, only through Him. This is something you, I, and Christians everywhere don't do, and we all need to think out the implications of this bit of knowledge.

Still, I applaud El Pastor for doing something about the annoying cell phones.

Car Trouble

The mechanic decided to come and return the van of the family whose house we live in at the worst possible time today. Within the two minutes that he had it parked in our driveway, a troop of police officers came down our street this morning and gave tickets to all the cars which were even slightly sticking out onto the street. Every single one of our neighbors came out to see what was going on and everyone started yelling when they saw the ticket stuck on their car.

"Is this some kind of joke?!"

"Oye! We always park our cars this way! And you ticket us without warning!"

"@^*I&#"

The mechanic ran out and calmly tried to explain to the officer that he had just got here and needed to park the car that way in order to take out the other one. She was merciless and did not remove the ticket. A typical Peruvian policewoman doesn't take bribes and follows rules strictly while a typical policeman is more "sympathetic."

Here is a picture of the van parked correctly as well as furious neighbors. See if you can't find a lady in curlers.

Es solo un juego!

As two small figures on the screen kicked a footbol into a net my new dining room trembled with all the excited enthusiasm it was being filled with.

Half the room yelled "GOOOOOOOOOOOL!" while the other half slumped back in their seats in silent surrender.

Carlos collapsed on the kitchen table, eyes closed, and with the rest of his energy said in deep despair "No. It can't be. It just can't be," while at the same time Josue jumped into the air, gave his girlfriend a huge bear hug (which she accepted bitterly, not too happy with the victory). He then proceeded to run around the room a couple times yelling, then took me by the shoulders and shook me saying - "Guess who won Miss Page? Guess who won?"

He then ran to tell the guy in the bathroom about all he had missed.

I was asked all morning at church which Peruvian team I was going for "Universitario (U for short) o Alianza?" Now I am thankful that I didn't make a hasty decision. It will be a delicate process discovering which of the rivals deserve my confianza. (Confianza is a word commonly used in Peruvian culture which means deep, long-earned trust or confidence).

This picture was taken after watching Peru lose to Chile a few months ago.

Cheesy Pick up Line of the Week

Our church meets in a large remodeled Peruvian house. Each Sunday, there are two greeters on each side of the door who kiss you and welcome you into church. Today I walked up to the church to see that thirty-something unibrow guy and sweet-old-lady-who-always-volunteers-for-everything were the greeters.

I was surprised that Unibrow Guy didn't say "good morning" but rather, just said my name...slowly.

Unibrow Guy: Eden...

Me: Good morning.

Unibrow Guy: Eden means paradise right?

Me: Yes it does.

Unibrow Guy: It makes sense because you look like a paradise today.

Oh what fun it is to ride

My Grandma Denny and Aunt Susan are visiting me in Peru right now. It is very interesting to re-experience Lima culture with them.

Tonight the taxi driver who took us home was a bit more of a crazy driver than Grandma and Aunt had experienced before. He flew through busy intersections and swerved passed slow vehicles as if he owned the streets of Lima.

At one time, we stopped at a red light and our driver pulled the taxi into the green arrow turning lane asking, “So I turn here, no?”

“Well, it’s faster to go straight but it’s too late now,” I responded. But I had forgotten that it is never too late in Lima.

The driver shrugged his shoulders, stepped on the gas and illegally flew around the cars who had waited their turn at the red light.

“Whoops!” said Grandma, and then she and Aunt Susan laughed nervously.

The driver laughed at their reactions, “‘Whoops’? What do you mean ‘whoops?’ Where are you all from?” now realizing they weren’t from around here.

“They are my relatives visiting me from the United States,” I said.

The driver smiled, “They speak wonderful English.”

I laughed, “Yes, they do.”

“So they aren’t used to driving in Lima.”

Aunt Susan then decided to use her Spanish, “Es divertido! (it’s fun!).”

The driver laughed at Aunt Susan’s comment on the traffic being fun just as he was cut off by a huge bus and was forced to swerve to the side of the road, “It’s fun!” he said repeating Aunt Susan’s phrase in a cheerful voice laced with sarcasm.

A car then slammed on his breaks right in front of us forcing us to stop, “Whoops!” the driver said, repeating Grandma’s phrase, then he added, “How fun this is!”

Mis hermanos no tienen límites/ My brothers are without boundaries

Peruvians are a lot of things, but they are not politically correct. They will say that they believe themselves open minded and respectful of all cultures and statuses. But then they will turn around and call their chubby sister "gordita" (little fat one) or their korean friend "chino" (chinese) or their husband "feo" (ugly). You ask them why and they will tell you "it's an endearing term" or "it's what we all have always called him."

Chicha Morada: a peruvian drink made of purple corn.

Negrita: little black woman.

Chicha Morada Negrita: a storebought brand of chicha morada (note the very steriotyped black woman on the package).

So when we went to a restaurant last night and this is what the menu said...

Negrita.......................................S/. 3

Josue: Oh look, this menu says that for just 3 soles you can order yourself a negrita. Anyone want a slave woman to wash their dishes, take out their trash, and do other household chores?

Me: did he just say what I think he said?

Unfortunately, yes, he did. However he is Afro Peruvian meaning his purpose in saying that was not to show disrespect to the tragic history of slavery in Peru. Rather, he was enjoying the horrified expressions on our faces as he opened up a realm of dark humor to us which we can never enter.

I was talking to a colleague's wife when I heard even more of Josue's doings:

Me: So last night I was hanging out with Nadia, Josue’s girlfriend.

Annie: Josue has a girlfriend?

Me: Yeah, she is really nice, don’t know what she is thinking. AND she is about 5 years older than him. He likes older women aparently.

Annie: Oh I know that already…

Me: What do you mean?

Annie: Well…its kind of embarrassing.

Me: do tell.

Annie: Well, on Sundays I will be standing next to my husband and four children and Josue will be up on stage playing his bass during worship. On occasion, I'll be looking up front and occasionally I will catch his eye and he does this:

(below is the look she demonstrated for me along with a short head lift)

Annie: What on earth is he thinking? I could be his mother, Eden!

I think he would be much more annoying to me except that he really reminds me of my real older brother, who loves pushing and destroying boundaries in similar ways for humor's sake.

El Niño con el Pijama de Rayas

Last night I went to see this movie with the Grupo. Though it was a intense and mournful film, I only teared up once through the entire thing (and I was humored to see that the supposedly macho latino guys with us were struggling to not break down in sobs right there in the theater by the end).

After the final credits came up, all of us just sat there

staring at the screen in horrified shock.

"Did you like the film?" I asked Adriana later.

"Well, how can anyone like that kind of film?" she said, "though it did make me think."

I nodded even though I didn't fully agree as I really had enjoyed enough aspects of it to be able to say that I enjoyed it. The acting and filming were beautifully accomplished. Additionally the film was extremely honest and truthful - not adding rays of sunshine where there actually are none (to make us viewers feel better inside when we shouldn't), but not glorifying darkness either.

However, even with all that being said, I probably will never watch it again.

Peruvian Culture Fact #3: Time

Ask an American why the copier is broken and they will say, "it's jammed."

Ask a Peruvian why the copier is broken and they will say, "Well I came up to the copier and it started making this noise, so I looked down and saw that these lights were blinking and it said paper jam and so I checked the paper drawers. Then I realized that we were out of paper so I went to go find some and couldn't but then someone came and helped me put it in..."

Americans value time, Peruvians value relationships.

To illustrate my point I have made a chart which applies this cultural concept to bible studies.

"God doesn't demand hectic church programs and frenetic schedules; he only wants his people to know him more intimately." - d.a. carson

Peruvian Culture Fact #2

My very first Sunday back in Peru, I was riding my bicycle to the school to complete some work there. Suddenly, a water balloon exploded right in front of my bike tire - it had just missed me. I looked for the culprit, but none could be found.

My friends explained to me that, as February is the hottest month of the year in Peru, it is also a month where it is acceptable for people to get each other wet and play water pranks on one another. It gets rougher in poorer districts where sewage water, paint, and worse are thrown on people. They call this “Carnival” though if it were up to me I would give it another name.

I will keep you informed if I actually do get hit.

Just so you know, super is pronounced "sue - pear" when said in Spanish

My friend Jenna and I are walking around downtown Lima in search of the National Fine Arts School of Peru so that I can enroll in a class. We are lost and Jenna asks someone for directions...

Jenna: Pardon me Señor, do you know where the Escuela de Bellas Artes is?

Señor: I am not sure. …Wait, let me ask my SUPER AMIGO!

Suddenly appears SUPER AMIGO!!! - a man donning a cape, tights, and red underwear! He places his hands on hips and proudly turns to us. His bangs are greased into a tight swirl in the center of his forehead and he has a confident smile!

SUPER AMIGO: Hola, how can I help you?

Jenna: We are looking for the Escuela de Bellas Artes.

SUPER AMIGO: Oh yes! The SUPER ESCUELA DE BELLAS ARTES! You can see SUPER BELLA art and statues and WHATEVER art your heart desires to see. Just go DOWWWWN two blocks, take a RIGHT down to MORE blocks this way, and walk 5 MORE blocks and THEERRREE you will find it!

We told him "gracias" though later I thought back on it and realized that we should have said something more like “You saved the day again SUPER AMIGO!”

Here is a photo of the SUPER ESCUELA DE BELLAS ARTES

"I've got a love emergency" might make a great song lyric

My roommates and I get a lot of catcalls and whistles in Lima and here are the top 5 reasons why:

1. we are white

2. we have light eyes

3. we have light hair

4. because Peruvians are more expressive than Americans

5. because my roommates are good looking

Here are the top 3 oddest catcalls I have received:

1. “Hola Leche” (hey milk) – because I am white, get it?
2. “Hola Arroz” (hey rice) – again, because I am white
3. “Que bo-ni-to An-ge-li-to” (what a pretty angel)

However, today – I got the catcall of all catcalls.

To hear this story, you must first understand that in Peru, when an ambulance is going down the street, they not only have bright flashing lights but also loudspeakers. Oftentimes you will hear a muffled voice say sharply, “Pull off to the side of the road!” and then, if people do not comply, “At this instant! Pull off to the side of the road!” and then, if people still do not comply, “HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL YOU PEOPLE!!! GET OFF THE ROAD!!! THIS IS A LIFE AND DEATH SITUATION! HAVE YOU NO HEART!!!” (ok so I have never actually heard the last loudspeaker saying – but I wouldn’t be surprised if it has been said).

Anyhow, this morning I was riding my bike and stared at the ambulance as it was passing me. Out of the loudspeaker, for all the world to hear, came, “Que bonito los ojos!” (translation: What pretty eyes you have).

Peruvian Culture Fact #1

In Peru, a common phrase is "poco a poco," or "little by little" as that is often how life goes here. It is a short way of saying, "things take time so lets all be patient." I hear it most often used with Americans who are furious when they find that something they wanted done for them by a Peruvian isn't happening in what they believe is reasonable time.

Today, the following usage of the word made my friends and I laugh silently at church today:

Pastor Ramiro (yelling): When you are born again, your life makes a 180 degree turn and its DRAMATIC! You don't say, "I used to be in a relationship with five women - but now that I am born again I am changed - I am in a relationship with only three!" Or... you don't say, "I used to get drunk off of five beers - but now that I am born again I am changed - I only get drunk off of one!"

A soft whine comes from someone sitting behind us: Poco a poco.

Something I never thought I would ask: So what do the nuns you work with think of your nipple piercing?

Setting: So I am walking with a German, a Peruvian, and American down the street. Yentz (the German…duh) knows just a little bit of both English and Spanish. He volunteers at a clinic my American friend works with.

So Yentz notices three tattoo and piercing parlors across the street. He stops us, turns to us and starts trying to communicate something to us in Spanglish. None of us understand. So, in the middle of the street, he pulls up his shirt, baring his chest. After a moment of wincing, shock, and awkward conversation, we figure out a ball from his nipple piercing has been lost and he is in need of a replacement.

So we go into one tattoo parlor. Yentz isn’t sure how to say what he wants. So he just walks up to the counter and whips up his shirt in the middle of the store. We will soon find the store doesn’t have what he is looking for, however, in Peru when there is a shop specializing in something in one location, shops specializing in the same thing pop up right next door (reason: a cultural connection between shopping and relationships). Anyway, for this reason, we all become acquainted with every tattoo and piercing parlor in the district and every tattoo and piercing parlor in the district becomes acquainted with Yentz’ chest.

He never did find what he was looking for though we each got a free tattoo parlor sticker out of the experience. That was nice. As my American friend said when we laughed over it afterward, “When you live overseas you get to the point where surprises are not so surprising anymore.”

Take a Hike

While in Huancayo we decided to hike Torre Torre, a bunch of odd formations close to the town. To get there, we had to pass through a village which belongs to a group of indigenous people. As we neared the formations, we saw four boys from the village racing down the hill. Kyle reached out her hand to congratulate the boy who won the race.


“Are you going to hike Torre Torre?” the boy asked us.
We answered in the affirmative.
“Do you want us to take you?” the boy asked.
“How much?” we asked like the wise tourists we are.
“Whatever your will is,” the boy answered.
One of the other boys quickly piped in “As long as you let us take pictures with your cameras.”

And then we became seven.










The tour package included:
• The boys pointing out interesting things we may have missed such as a condor head formation.












• Hiking up the steep formations (it took them 2 seconds to hike something that would take us 30).









• Stopping to rest while our guides told the story of the formations. One would stand up, tell a little bit of the story and then would say, “and now my friend will continue the story.” It was extremely cute when the six year old got up to explain his part.









• After the story, the youngest guide sang a song to us in quechua. They then asked us to sing songs to them.
• On the walk back, we shared songs back and forth.

We paid them and said goodbye by taking one final picture.

Making a Scene

Polleras - colorful skirts made from hand-woven wool cloth.

Manta - a rectangular piece of cloth worn by indigenous Peruvian women as a shawl, carry-all, and holder for infants and toddlers.The two items mentioned above are traditional pieces of clothing which normal tourists never consider wearing. However, Kyle and Laura, the girls I traveled with for a 2 day trip to Huancayo, are not your normal tourists.

Here are Kyle and Laura trying on polleras.


Peruvians slowed down and stopped to gawk,
laugh,
or say in astonished voices, “They look sooo pretty.” Even a stern faced cop took time to admire them and tell them in English how beautiful they looked.

Kyle and Laura then decided they ought to purchase mantas to help complete their traditional outfits. The vendor helped the girls put their purchases inside their mantas and fling them across their backs.
And then every single person in the market went crazy when they saw them and we became the tourist attraction.

"Aww. Look at the gringas! Where are their babies?" one asked.

Another woman, dressed in her own pollera and manta walked up to my friends and said, “Look at the tourists! How pretty they look.”
She then turned to me with a frown and said “Why didn’t you buy one?” and then the woman was bold enough to whap me on the rear!

Dude

When surfing the internet this last week, I found some fun answers.

Tourist-of-prey

Chullo: a Peruvian style of hat made from vicuña, alpaca, llama, or sheep's wool protecting it's wearer from the harsh elements of the Andean Mountain Region. The most common consumer of the chullo is the native Peruvian tourist. During our trip last week, we sighted many variations of this camera-bearing carnivore.













While our bus stopped to let us walk around we saw a British woman preying on chullos. She was speaking to the vendor in English and assuming she was being completely understood. A real-life picture of the scene and a record of exactly what was being said can be seen below:












Woman: (holds up a chullo) You wouldn’t happen to have one of a darker color would you?

Vendor: (stares at first, then, confused, picks up a new chullo to show her)

Woman: Oh, you are right this color is quite lovely. Do you have any more like it?

Vendor: (stares)

And the woman didn’t stop talking after this.




There was one other American on the bus who was traveling with her Peruvian husband.
She was talking in Spanish to a tour guide but didn’t have the words she needed in order to communicate well and was struggling for a long period of time with one word in particular. In frustration, she turned to her husband and said in an angry voice, “Honey! Tell me the word I am thinking of!”

You can see a photo of the disgruntled stranger and her husband to the left. Note that she also is a chullo consumer.



Oh yes. Below, are the 3 most deadly chullo consumers of all.

A New Flavor of Peru!

We had over a half a week off of school for a holiday. So, four teachers and I traveled to Peru's Culca Canyon. It sort of reminded me of the trips my family takes to Immanuel Mission near Christmastime, except that the dirt wasn't red and the land was being farmed on ancient looking terraces.

I have added the following items to my list of gastronomic accomplishments:
Empanada de Pulpo (Pastry stuffed with Octopus)







Alpaca










Maca y Mocha Frappuccino (Maca comes from a root found in the Andes and has been used as an energy giving herb since the time of Incan rule)










Cheese ice cream










Beer ice cream (only a little lick – everyone else was doing it)










Hot red pepper ice cream


Quote of the Week:
We were walking around an Arequipan market when we saw around 25 frogs hopping cheerfully within the confines of a glass tank:


Eden: "Jugo de Rana"? That means Frog Juice! They don’t actually drink the frogs do they?
Kathy: I don’t know. Go ask the merchant, Eden.

Eden approached the stand

Eden: Good Afternoon. I have a question.
Merchant: Yes…
Eden: Are you really selling frog juice?
Merchant: Yes, its good for headaches and other pains.
Eden: But you can’t drink a live frog whole can you?
Merchant: No, of course not.
Eden: (sigh of relief)
Merchant: No, first we throw the live frog into a blender and liquidify it. THEN you can drink the frog.

Eden said thank you and them walked over to her friends to tell them the merchant's response to the question. A long and loud “eewwwwwww!” soon filled the general area.

Oh yes, at the same booth, miracle muscle growth liquid was being sold.

Q: Why don't you go to Sunday School, Eden?

A: Because the church service alone is 3 hours long and I can only take in so much Spanish in one blow.

Here is how they manage to make the service twice as long as I am accustomed to:

10:30AM
Service is supposed to begin
10:40AM
Service begins

10 minutes of prayer
30 minutes of worship
NOTE: Worship at my church is pretty special because:

1. tone deaf or not everyone sings with all their might
   
2. the super old keyboard makes every song a true 80's experience - worship often sounds exactly like this actually.
   
3. The guy playing the keyboard does have a mullet now (see him in an older photo below).
4. the songs usually are made up of meaningful rather than meaningless lyrics.

30 minutes of a special presentation (missions presentation/testimonies/skit etc).
60 minutes of preaching (if speaker is feeling merciful; +15 more minutes if he isn't)
20 minutes of communion
10 minutes for offering
20 minutes of announcements
10 minutes for prayer and one last song

1:30PM service over
30 to 60 minutes of everyone talking amongst their friends and family and only then do they go to eat lunch (which often takes about an hour to eat).

I will resist describing the young adult group I attend Saturday nights which usually lasts 4 hours. Peruvians have little room for ADHD, lots of room for relationships. Though they require me to change my nature, I love them sometimes.

The one where I finally write something serious

I have begun to get to know Peruvians my age by going to the young adult group at the church I attend. Last night, three girls were accompanying me home and we were walking next to a busy street. Gabi, one of the girls pointed across the street, and asked us if we knew what was going on.
We all looked across the street to see chaos: pedestrians clearing off the street, cars driving out of control. We looked closer to see a crowd of shouting, angry looking men carrying sticks. Then we realized that the crowd of men was running full speed in our direction.
Cynthia, another girl with us, yelled, “RUN!” and so we did, frantically looking for somewhere to hide ourselves. We stopped at an apartment building and Cynthia pressed the intercom button frantically to see if someone would let us in. Fortunately, someone did and we sat down inside, watching men run past, police on their tail.
Meanwhile the girls explained to me that the men were likely a part of a gang and that the worst they would do is steal wallets and scare people.
They said that this kind of thing happens only occasionally in Lima, but that it is especially rare that it would happen in the area we were walking through.
I have never before seen a large group of people so out of control unless you count going to Wal-Mart for an after Christmas sale (How do I miss thee Wal-Mart? Let me count the ways…)

My understanding is now stretched, the definition of civil unrest is now truer in my mind, the world is a much more serious place than I once thought it was.
My faith in my own world has been shaken up and I see now there is only one thing I can ever have complete faith in.

Though it wasn’t as scary as it was interesting, afterward, I had an unpleasant nightmare about my school being attacked by the Sendero Luminoso, the Maoist guerrilla organization in Peru. They were dressed up as clowns which put it on my top 10 scariest nightmare list for sure.