The Page's Take Facebook

Everyone and their Grandma has facebook now. And that includes me. I spotted the following conversation amonst the older family members on my 15 year old cousin's wall. I miss them.

The bare necessities of life will come to you

So today, our Columbian computer fix it man, Pablo was offering some of of the food from his native land to everyone at work today.

"What is it?" One of the Spanish teachers asked.

"Just try some, it's delicious," Pablo said, shoving a handful down his throat.

I picked one up and chewed it down.

"Which insect was it?" I asked.

And Pablo told me...

And a very large one at that. 

It tasted like ...

toasted corn kernels (called "canchita" here in Peru).

Cheesy Pick up Line of the Week

For my elementary classes, I wrote the following above a painting on my white board:

What do you see first?

What shapes do you see?

During my high school art class, I turned around to see the following answers scribbled on the board as well:

What do you see first? Ms. Page

What shapes do you see? I cannot see anythings without you

Because anything was written with an additional "s" I soon sleuthed out the English-language-learning culprit.

Kindergoblins

All day today, I was looking forward to teaching Kindergarten. I was right to be excited. Highlights of the class period.

• One of the students, lets call him Edwin, laughing every time he deliberately disobeyed me and running around the room instead of going to time out (I am excited to see him learn).
• Feeling like the most rotton person in the world when I made one of them cry (I took her ruler away because she wasn't listening).
• Having to take a bathroom break for the last 5 minutes of class because when one has to go, they all have to go.
• Spending 10 minutes trying to get Edwin to unlock himself out of the bathroom stall. When another student in the hallway started acting up, I just gave up and waited for his teacher to arrive.
• Laughing with her as she tried to persuade him to get out:

Miss Daughterty: Edwin! Would you open the door please?

Edwin: NO! HAHAHAHAHAHA (a demonic laugh)

Miss Daughterty: This isn't funny Edwin! Open the door right now!

Edwin: (more demonic laughter)

While I watched the restless kindergarteners in the hallway, Miss Daughterty found a responsible looking 4rd grade boy to crawl under the stalls and unlock the door.

• Having a 5th grade student stop in the hallway to look at the kindergarteners and say, "oh! aren't they just the cutest things ever."

Second First Day of Teaching

I just finished creating seating charts for my elementary classes. A part of me relished the activity because I felt as though I was playing God.

The first day of this schoolyear was a lot more boring than last year's first day because I was much more relaxed. Here are a few highlights:

1. Watching mass confusion as we have two classes who are beginning middle school this year as we have just changed the system (both the sixth and seventh graders have never done the "switching classes" thing on their own before). All students were afraid and some looked like they were about to cry.

2. One of the new high school boys saying to me in complete seriousness, "I really just want to learn how to draw this year. I am not very good at it. Will you fix me?"

3. One of the new kindergarten girls telling me about her day after school, "I fell down and my box spilled all over the floor but guess what! My teacher didn't even yell at me!"

The view from my classroom window on an unusually sunny day.

The Tale of Sadie the Dog and Espe the Cat

My 2 roommates and I just have made a move to a new home.

We already have a cat (reading the bible below)...and along with the new home we have inherited a dog...

and fish...

which we will keep until their owners get back a year from now.
When the cat first came, the dog would sit in her garden and the cat indoors and they would stare at one another. Usually in the morning, the dog would have some sort of conversation with her new companion.

Sadie the dog: (Woof woof) translation: Do allow me to present myself. My name is Sadie Block, do call me Sadie, it is simply a delight to have you here. And you are…?
Espe the cat: (silence)
Sadie the dog: (Woof wroof woof woof) translation: Very well, I shall allow you to preserve your anonymity. You know, there is something I have been dying to ask you…would there be a possibility of sniffing your rear in the near future? Do say yes!
Espe the cat: (silence)
Sadie the dog: (Woof ruff whine) translation: I find it quite rude that you won’t speak to me. Here I am, trying to carry on a decent conversation and you -
Me: (from upstairs window) -dumb dog! Be quiet and let me sleep in!
Sadie the dog: (Whiiinnee growl) translation: now look what you have done! One of the temporary masters is now upset with me!

As I speak basic Dog at best, I knew nothing of the broken understanding between the two animals. So when I had church friends over and the following conversation occurred, I made an uninformed decision:

Nadia: So do your cat and dog never play with each other?
Me: No.
Carlos: Why not?
Me: They still don’t know one another, I guess.
Josue: So why don’t we introduce them then?
Me: Hmm.
Christian: Yes, let’s introduce them!
Me: Well… Amanda and I were just saying that we should try and get them to become friends.
Josue: Then lets do it now!
Me: Sure, they have to become friends sometime. Just make sure the door is open so she can come back in if she gets uncomfortable.

So we put the cat outside. Sadie the dog jumped up immediately and ran towards Espe. Espe could have ran back in the house, she could have run upstairs even, but in her terror, she didn’t. Instead, she made three laps around the garden with Sadie running after her.
She finally hid behind a cactus.

Sadie the dog: (wroof grwoof) You finally made an effort towards our friendship! We are going to be the best of friends!
Espe the cat: (Merrooooww!!!) Over my dead body. Get away weirdo.

At the insult, poor Sadie, in unthinking fury, stuck her nose right into the cactus.
By this time, some of the guys had Sadie by the collar and Espe made her escape up all three flights of stairs to my room where I would find her later sleeping.

Sadie, however, had a cactus thorn in her snout. She did not even notice us removing it. Rather she was looking around the yard with eyes filled with lust for catblood.

That day, I learned a very valuable lesson: that friendship cannot be forced. The only other positive consequence of the blunder is that Sadie, having declared the “dog shun of silence” on Espe, no longer disturbs our sleep with one-sided conversations.

They now tolerate one another calmly, which considering the fights they have had, I believe is the most we can ever expect from either party.

You have no compassion for my poor nerves

While rowing through the jungle, we spotted a British couple and their guide entering a canoe. The wife was mid-thirty ish, had good teeth. The husband was a bit older and balding. We were surprised to see as they climbed into their boat that the husband was frightened about the whole ordeal and when he finally fell over himself enough to make it to his seat, he sat there stiffly, knuckles white as he grasped the canoe sides.

Mama whispered, “Look at him! He is so wimpy. Why do you think he even came to the jungle?”

And then, adding emphasis to her statement, we saw him pull out a cross stitch from his bag and begin sewing.

Of course, we began giggling and took some stealth photos.

We finally were able to compose ourselves again until mama said, “Well, it probably helps in 'calming his nerves.'”

Car Trouble

The mechanic decided to come and return the van of the family whose house we live in at the worst possible time today. Within the two minutes that he had it parked in our driveway, a troop of police officers came down our street this morning and gave tickets to all the cars which were even slightly sticking out onto the street. Every single one of our neighbors came out to see what was going on and everyone started yelling when they saw the ticket stuck on their car.

"Is this some kind of joke?!"

"Oye! We always park our cars this way! And you ticket us without warning!"

"@^*I&#"

The mechanic ran out and calmly tried to explain to the officer that he had just got here and needed to park the car that way in order to take out the other one. She was merciless and did not remove the ticket. A typical Peruvian policewoman doesn't take bribes and follows rules strictly while a typical policeman is more "sympathetic."

Here is a picture of the van parked correctly as well as furious neighbors. See if you can't find a lady in curlers.

Leaving Peru would be just as painful as being away from home does. I have got myself into a trap and the only way to get out is to chew off my leg.

Chatting with Dale online just now caused me to come up with the above quote. Sometimes, through talking with people I discover more than I would thinking through things out on my own.

Es solo un juego!

As two small figures on the screen kicked a footbol into a net my new dining room trembled with all the excited enthusiasm it was being filled with.

Half the room yelled "GOOOOOOOOOOOL!" while the other half slumped back in their seats in silent surrender.

Carlos collapsed on the kitchen table, eyes closed, and with the rest of his energy said in deep despair "No. It can't be. It just can't be," while at the same time Josue jumped into the air, gave his girlfriend a huge bear hug (which she accepted bitterly, not too happy with the victory). He then proceeded to run around the room a couple times yelling, then took me by the shoulders and shook me saying - "Guess who won Miss Page? Guess who won?"

He then ran to tell the guy in the bathroom about all he had missed.

I was asked all morning at church which Peruvian team I was going for "Universitario (U for short) o Alianza?" Now I am thankful that I didn't make a hasty decision. It will be a delicate process discovering which of the rivals deserve my confianza. (Confianza is a word commonly used in Peruvian culture which means deep, long-earned trust or confidence).

This picture was taken after watching Peru lose to Chile a few months ago.

"Somewhere out there is a lady who I think will never be a nun. Auf Wiedersehen, darling."

While vacationing with my family around Peru (see pictures here) we stumbled across this scandelous poster hanging from an eyeglass store.

Museo de Zoologia

One of my favorite museums we visited was a museum of very poorly taxidermied animals. They had an ROUS we promise - he had sharp, large teeth and was leering at me in a way that made me want to distance myself from him even though he was hardly able to jump on me and rip my shoulder off.

There was much marine life represented...

as well as a killer monkey...

and llamas in about-to-strike-you-dead positions.

Altogether a wonderfully haunting experience.

Ding Dong

I woke up yesterday morning to the doorbell ringing.

It was Darwin, our painter, who likely is much more funny and kind than evolutionist Charles Darwin

was. He was going to paint a room in our home that day.

The doorbell rang.

A short guy with a mario moustache came to get the van parked in our garage and leave a truck there. As he was pulling in the truck I accidentally pushed the garage door opener button without realizing it and WHAM it banged into the back of the truck. He said it was alright and left.

The doorbell rang.

A guy selling oranges wanted to know if I wanted any to make "excellent juices."

I said I was tempted but not today, maybe later.

The doorbell rang.

Darwin came in after his lunch break and told me about how earlier today the dog found the cat litter box and cleaned it out herself by eating "all the stuff that the cat made" (literal translation). I then successfully expressed incredulity and then a high level of wanting-to-pukeness in Spanish.

The doorbell rang.

It was Darwin, who apologized saying he had forgotten something on his way out.

The doorbell rang.

It was a group of woman whose apartment had an electrical fire a few days ago. A total of 4 (2 Americans 2 Peruvians) will be staying with us for the next few days. 3 of the women are missionaries who will be heading to Tarma, Peru to work there for 2 years. One will remain in Lima. They left quickly to head to night class.

The doorbell rang.

It was one of our guests, returning home after her night class.

The other 3 soon followed.

Then I fell to sleep.

Do you take pictures...or do pictures take you...

My family has a tradition of playing with picture themes on our trips together. Below are three collections of pictures from this last trip with some family in Peru.

Collection 1: interpretive tree dancing

Collection 2: Wedding Invite Silhouettes

Collection 3: Interactive Paintings

The Mannequin Returns

My mom and Brother Joel have been here for the last month and just left last night.

Joel found some more uses for my new mannequin arm and a Peruvian face mask...

...and we both found some new mannequins with which to pose while we traveled around different regions of Peru.

Feliz Cumple Pe'

Last night at grupo, Josue's dad spoke to us on character in his very "Carlos Gerstein" way. He is a rough 45 year old señor who mumbles out dry jokes which are humorous when I can catch them.

He has the same looks and mannerisms as the Godfather (especially when he lets his moustache grow out) and there is actually a facebook album dedicated to this fact ("Carlos Gerstein es El Padrino").

He spoke to us on character, asked us a lot of tough questions, connected what he had to say with Jesus, and ended by saying, "Look, you are at the age where you are young and everyone thinks you are a rebel' he paused, thought for a second, then added, "tambien, pe' " which is a slangish way of saying "well, me too."

After this, the grupo surprised me by bringing out two cakes and singing happy birthday to me in English (sounded so absolutely awful I laughed all the way through), Spanish (also sounded awful), and a different version of Spanish (pretty bad).

Then they asked me to give a speech. So I did. Here it is:

"Thank you all so much for the cake and the songs you sang so pretty-ly.

I am so thankful to God for your friendship and that here I can have a familia poquito ... I mean familia pequeño ... pequeñA. That's how you say it. Familia pequena."

They laughed at all my mistakes and then we shared around the cake.

As soon as I got my piece, Claudia and Maria chased me around for a while so that they could throw cake in my face. Which, since Bethany left, has become a tradition. Below is a photo of Bethany starting the tradition on her birthday:

They finally caught me. Christian and Claudia finally shoved it on. But I got sweet revenge by using what was on my face to share with them.

Peru is a wonderful place to celebrate your birthday. Peruvian friends of all ages felt the need to come up to me and hug me, then give a little flourishy speeches about how great I am.

Others gave me chocolate.

My roomates took me to Barranco for my birthday where they bought me dinner - very sweet. Afterwards, we went to the Metro Supermarket – when my cashier rang up my metro bonus card, she got this really warm smile on her face and had someone bring me a present in the obvious shape of a wine bottle.

Maniaquins

I was delighted to find that the school play was all about mannequins (nice choice Amanda and Laura). I was even more delighted when one of the props (an actual mannequin arm) was offered to me to be used in my art classes.

But we found that it not only is a wonderful prop and object to draw. Here are other creative ways to use a mannequin arm:

• Creep out your students… and then the parents of your students by touching them with it when their backs are turned
• Slide it up your sleeve and have an extra long and goofy arm
• Get odd looks when you greet people on the street with your long and goofy arm
• Put it in your armpit and act like a t-rex
• Pretend like it is your actual arm and scream in pain when someone pulls it off when they shake your hand
• Make wonderful puns like, “Hey! Do you need a hand?
• Flag down taxis then reject them with the appropriate Peruvian arm gestures
• Accidentaly leave it on the floor under a pile of sheets and frighten your maid, Elida.

Eden and the Chipmunks

I love my junior high students

I hate fake high pitched voices

My love is torn.

Today, the junior high girls were singing songs in high pitched, super annoying “Alvin and the Chipmunks” voices.

Annoyed boy: That is SO ANNOYING. It would be ok if you sang it in a normal voice but you are singing the song too high!

Chipmunk singer: So what do you want me to do? Sing the song in a super low voice then?

Annoyed boy: Yes! (He then started demonstrating what a super low voice sounded like by singing the same song while making a grinding noise with his voice box. It sounded even more annoying than the high pitched squeals of the girls). Ok I’ll stop now, singing this way hurts me.

Teacher: It hurts me too Seung Jae, It hurts me too.

Cheesy Pick up Line of the Week

Our church meets in a large remodeled Peruvian house. Each Sunday, there are two greeters on each side of the door who kiss you and welcome you into church. Today I walked up to the church to see that thirty-something unibrow guy and sweet-old-lady-who-always-volunteers-for-everything were the greeters.

I was surprised that Unibrow Guy didn't say "good morning" but rather, just said my name...slowly.

Unibrow Guy: Eden...

Me: Good morning.

Unibrow Guy: Eden means paradise right?

Me: Yes it does.

Unibrow Guy: It makes sense because you look like a paradise today.

Eden's Peru Dictionary

Eng⋅rish

men⋅u

[ing-rish men-yoo]

–noun

1.	a word puzzle to carefully decipher

2.	a list of typed phrases to humor

Aunt Susan, Grandma, and I were all relieved to find that "all their crudenesses were cleaned of cleansed water."