Hooligans!

I found the above grafiti on my white board after class. The guilty party apparently doesn't understand how name changing works when a marriage happens. Or perhaps he thinks that I like my dad which, granted, I do.

Fujimori: a bad president perhaps but he sure makes a mighty good smock

Yes, ex-Peruvian president Fujimori made worldwide news when he was convicted and will be imprisoned for corruption during his rule. 

Yes, he is now the first democratically elected Latin American leader found guilty in his own country of human rights abuses (Viva el Perú!).

No, it doesn't mean that I'll cease letting my students use the Pro Fujimori smock that I inherited from the last art teacher.

I hate football

Me: Look at your eyes – are they shaped like circles?

Students: No.

Me: No, actually, if you look at your eyes you can see they are really shaped more like American footballs.

Korean student: My eyes aren’t shaped like footballs.

Other student: No, they are more like Frisbees.

And with that, the football analogy was banished from my lips forever.

Mis hermanos no tienen límites/ My brothers are without boundaries

Peruvians are a lot of things, but they are not politically correct. They will say that they believe themselves open minded and respectful of all cultures and statuses. But then they will turn around and call their chubby sister "gordita" (little fat one) or their korean friend "chino" (chinese) or their husband "feo" (ugly). You ask them why and they will tell you "it's an endearing term" or "it's what we all have always called him."

Chicha Morada: a peruvian drink made of purple corn.

Negrita: little black woman.

Chicha Morada Negrita: a storebought brand of chicha morada (note the very steriotyped black woman on the package).

So when we went to a restaurant last night and this is what the menu said...

Negrita.......................................S/. 3

Josue: Oh look, this menu says that for just 3 soles you can order yourself a negrita. Anyone want a slave woman to wash their dishes, take out their trash, and do other household chores?

Me: did he just say what I think he said?

Unfortunately, yes, he did. However he is Afro Peruvian meaning his purpose in saying that was not to show disrespect to the tragic history of slavery in Peru. Rather, he was enjoying the horrified expressions on our faces as he opened up a realm of dark humor to us which we can never enter.

I was talking to a colleague's wife when I heard even more of Josue's doings:

Me: So last night I was hanging out with Nadia, Josue’s girlfriend.

Annie: Josue has a girlfriend?

Me: Yeah, she is really nice, don’t know what she is thinking. AND she is about 5 years older than him. He likes older women aparently.

Annie: Oh I know that already…

Me: What do you mean?

Annie: Well…its kind of embarrassing.

Me: do tell.

Annie: Well, on Sundays I will be standing next to my husband and four children and Josue will be up on stage playing his bass during worship. On occasion, I'll be looking up front and occasionally I will catch his eye and he does this:

(below is the look she demonstrated for me along with a short head lift)

Annie: What on earth is he thinking? I could be his mother, Eden!

I think he would be much more annoying to me except that he really reminds me of my real older brother, who loves pushing and destroying boundaries in similar ways for humor's sake.

El Niño con el Pijama de Rayas

Last night I went to see this movie with the Grupo. Though it was a intense and mournful film, I only teared up once through the entire thing (and I was humored to see that the supposedly macho latino guys with us were struggling to not break down in sobs right there in the theater by the end).

After the final credits came up, all of us just sat there

staring at the screen in horrified shock.

"Did you like the film?" I asked Adriana later.

"Well, how can anyone like that kind of film?" she said, "though it did make me think."

I nodded even though I didn't fully agree as I really had enjoyed enough aspects of it to be able to say that I enjoyed it. The acting and filming were beautifully accomplished. Additionally the film was extremely honest and truthful - not adding rays of sunshine where there actually are none (to make us viewers feel better inside when we shouldn't), but not glorifying darkness either.

However, even with all that being said, I probably will never watch it again.

Mis Hermanos Menores/ My Little Brothers

17 to 25 year olds go to my Grupo. There are a lot of younger guys that go as well as many older girls. This has caused there to be a huge gap in maturity levels which makes things interesting… and painful. Let me show you just how painful:

1. Last night, the Pastor was leading the usual bible study. He let us know that he was thinking about starting up a class on God’s view of sexuality. Whispers and soft giggling immediately filled the room. I could almost feel the maturity levels dropping as El Pastor began to explain what the course would be about. He ended the introduction by saying, “It is very important for us to look at sex for just what it is – a blessing from God.”

And then at least three of the guys in the room shouted out a hearty, “Amen!”

2. Josue is a 17 year old guy who acts like an annoying little brother. His favorite pastime is calling me “Miss Page” rather than “Eden.” He does this because he feels it his duty to remind me during my leisure time that I am a mature, hardworking teacher and that it is my job and mine alone to stop relaxing and step up and take responsibility when responsibility is needed (even though often he is the one who creates all the problems to solve).

Here is an example:

Children are making noise and running around restaurant. Many in the restaurant are turning around and looking at them in annoyance.

Josue then says, “Oh but wait! No fears. We have a professora among us!” He turns to me, “Ok Miss Page, take care of them.”

3. Another time, Josue took the hand of Cristian and started holding it just the same way he would hold the hand of his girlfriend. He then turned his head back dramatically and batted his eyelashes at me as if showing off his newest catch.

I immediately asked one of the guys who knows some English, “How do you say ‘scars on my mind’ in Spanish?”

4. Mariano and Cynthia are walking and talking in front of a group of us guys and girls.

“Wait, wait, lets sit back and admire them” says Josue, not letting us pass so that Mariano and Cynthia walk on alone, “Wouldn’t they make such a beautiful couple?”

5. Our intern gringa, Bethany, is just beginning to get a grasp on Spanish. They often pick on her by saying something super fast in Spanish and then turning to Bethany sharply and saying, “Understand?”

I was talking with Mariano later and he asked me, “You have a lot of Americana friends visit this church. So why do none of your friends return? Are the guys not tall and hot enough for them?”

I just laughed but I should have said in reply, “It’s not a physical thing as much as it is a maturity thing.” However, although immature often, they can often surprise you.

6. One of the guys stops and lets me pass him as we are going down the steps.

“What are you doing?” I ask, thinking he is up to another trick.

“Just being a gentleman.”

“Oh.”

Still, none of these guys can ever replace my real little brother.

Mis Hermanos Menores/ My Little Brothers

17 to 25 year olds go to my Grupo. There are a lot of younger guys that go as well as many older girls. This has caused there to be a huge gap in maturity levels which makes things interesting… and painful. Let me show you just how painful:

1. Last night, the Pastor was leading the usual bible study. He let us know that he was thinking about starting up a class on God’s view of sexuality. Whispers and soft giggling immediately filled the room. I could almost feel the maturity levels dropping as El Pastor began to explain what the course would be about. He ended the introduction by saying, “It is very important for us to look at sex for just what it is – a blessing from God.”

And then at least three of the guys in the room shouted out a hearty, “Amen!”

2. Josue is a 17 year old guy who acts like an annoying little brother. His favorite pastime is calling me “Miss Page” rather than “Eden.” He does this because he feels it his duty to remind me during my leisure time that I am a mature, hardworking teacher and that it is my job and mine alone to stop relaxing and step up and take responsibility when responsibility is needed (even though often he is the one who creates all the problems to solve).

Here is an example:

Children are making noise and running around restaurant. Many in the restaurant are turning around and looking at them in annoyance.

Josue then says, “Oh but wait! No fears. We have a professora among us!” He turns to me, “Ok Miss Page, take care of them.”

3. Another time, Josue took the hand of Cristian and started holding it just the same way he would hold the hand of his girlfriend. He then turned his head back dramatically and batted his eyelashes at me as if showing off his newest catch.

I immediately asked one of the guys who knows some English, “How do you say ‘scars on my mind’ in Spanish?”

4. Mariano and Cynthia are walking and talking in front of a group of us guys and girls.

“Wait, wait, lets sit back and admire them” says Josue, not letting us pass so that Mariano and Cynthia walk on alone, “Wouldn’t they make such a beautiful couple?”

5. Our intern gringa, Bethany, is just beginning to get a grasp on Spanish. They often pick on her by saying something super fast in Spanish and then turning to Bethany sharply and saying, “Understand?”

I was talking with Mariano later and he asked me, “You have a lot of Americana friends visit this church. So why do none of your friends return? Are the guys not tall and hot enough for them?”

I just laughed but I should have said in reply, “It’s not a physical thing as much as it is a maturity thing.” However, although immature often, they can often surprise you.

6. One of the guys stops and lets me pass him as we are going down the steps.

“What are you doing?” I ask, thinking he is up to another trick.

“Just being a gentleman.”

“Oh.”

Still, none of these guys can ever replace my real little brother.

I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that...

One of the evenings on which I was hanging out with Bethany, a gringa who goes to my church working as a short term missionary, we were walking around a park to see what things were going on. We ended up watching Merengue dancers with a crowd of Peruvians.

Then this younger Peruvian guy with longer, slimy brown hair turned to me and said in an even slimier voice, “What ti-i-i-me is it.” Bethany told me later that he sounded like a Harry Potter villan.

“Its 6:50” I answered.

“Thank yo-u-u-u,” the words slithered out of his mouth.

“Let’s go” I told Bethany. I really don’t like talking to creepy Peruvian guys, especially ones who are so unfortunate as to have the voice and hair of Professor Snape.

7 for the price of 1

My life is moving so fast right now that I have no time to post all the blog worthy things that happen in my life. However. I just realized that one of my newest friends, Bethany, has been posting a lot of what I was wanting to post for me. So if you want to know what I have been up to click on the words in this sentence.

Peruvian Culture Fact #3: Time

Ask an American why the copier is broken and they will say, "it's jammed."

Ask a Peruvian why the copier is broken and they will say, "Well I came up to the copier and it started making this noise, so I looked down and saw that these lights were blinking and it said paper jam and so I checked the paper drawers. Then I realized that we were out of paper so I went to go find some and couldn't but then someone came and helped me put it in..."

Americans value time, Peruvians value relationships.

To illustrate my point I have made a chart which applies this cultural concept to bible studies.

"God doesn't demand hectic church programs and frenetic schedules; he only wants his people to know him more intimately." - d.a. carson

Happy Pi Day!

Did you know that in Spanish, Pi is pronounced "Pee?" For this reason, a potty humor plaugue occured in school yesterday. Because most everyone at our school likes Saturday more than math, we decide to celebrate Pi Day a day early.

It started with the entire school sitting in Chase Hall, buzzing of scarcely-held-in excitement.

Suddenly, as 2 teachers carried in the giant Pi sign, the students could hold it in no longer. A cheer of loyal pi-triatism broke out.

Mr Shlack, the high school math teacher, quieted the crowd with a face beaming of pride, "Does anyone know what day it is?"

No one answered him except Miss Mural, my English teacher roomate, who yelled "DORK DAY!" from the back of the room.

Mr Shlack attempted to cover up her comment and then tried again, "Does anyone know what day it is?"

One or two students then were kind enough to say "Pi day."

He then proceeded to describe pi and the English teacher continued working to assure all that Mr. Shlack was at his dorkiest.

Afterward, elementary students came up and sang songs about pi - adorably ignorant about the symbol they were singing about or the dorkiness they were making themselves suceptible to.

Then came the competition. Representatives from the high school came up and saw how many digits of pi they could repeat. The winner listed 253 digits.

Then came my favorite part of pie day.

I should have eaten 3.14 pieces of pie. Instead I rounded down and ate 3. Maybe next year...

Maidens of the Sea

During the high school retreat last weekend I hiked up a hill near the beach with a lot of boy students. We stopped to rest - me on my rock...

...boys on theirs.

Miss Page after she wakes up: You guys look like sirens sitting on that group of rocks like that.

Student who doesn't listen in English class: What is a siren?

"Influenced-by-Peruvian-Machismo" Student: Is she calling us mermaids? Isn't that a kind of girly thing to be?

Student who lives to do well in school: You know, it's one of those humanoid creatures in the Odyssey that attracts men to their doom.

First Student: Oh, so in other words, Miss Page.

I am lost for I am a woman of unclean lips

After two horrific Spanish language mistakes this last week, I don't feel like a very good missionary in Peru. I have decided to post them even though they are risqué to increase your entertainment and decrease my pride.

What I meant to say: “Hey, did you catch a wave?”

What I actually said: “Hey, did you have a one night stand with the wave?”

What I meant to say: “Every morning for breakfast I like to put strawberry flavored jam on my bread”

What I actually said: “Every morning for breakfast I like to put strawberry flavored condoms on my bread”

Not in Kansas anymore

1. A Peruvian is riding up the street on his bike but he is going all over the road

2. He pulls off to the side of the road, pulls out some weed (and not the weed pictured below)

3. He starts to smoke it while continuing to casually ride his bicycle down the road.

4. He sees a police car and takes his time as he turns down a different street.

5. A few seconds later the police car passes where the guy was.

In the states I would inform the policeman. Here, it wouldn't make a difference anyway.

This city needs God just as much as I do.

 

Got time to kill?

Get the messy murder accomplished with these three Christian groups:

1. Henrietta and Myrna

hint: reading the comments below it while watching it will make the experience less painful

2. Sonseed

peppy and preppy

3. O Holy Night

I am pretty sure this is a recording of Josh Groban when he hit puberty. I know I know, Dale already posted it on her blog but some things take a while to get old.

Peruvian Culture Fact #2

My very first Sunday back in Peru, I was riding my bicycle to the school to complete some work there. Suddenly, a water balloon exploded right in front of my bike tire - it had just missed me. I looked for the culprit, but none could be found.

My friends explained to me that, as February is the hottest month of the year in Peru, it is also a month where it is acceptable for people to get each other wet and play water pranks on one another. It gets rougher in poorer districts where sewage water, paint, and worse are thrown on people. They call this “Carnival” though if it were up to me I would give it another name.

I will keep you informed if I actually do get hit.

Just so you know, super is pronounced "sue - pear" when said in Spanish

My friend Jenna and I are walking around downtown Lima in search of the National Fine Arts School of Peru so that I can enroll in a class. We are lost and Jenna asks someone for directions...

Jenna: Pardon me Señor, do you know where the Escuela de Bellas Artes is?

Señor: I am not sure. …Wait, let me ask my SUPER AMIGO!

Suddenly appears SUPER AMIGO!!! - a man donning a cape, tights, and red underwear! He places his hands on hips and proudly turns to us. His bangs are greased into a tight swirl in the center of his forehead and he has a confident smile!

SUPER AMIGO: Hola, how can I help you?

Jenna: We are looking for the Escuela de Bellas Artes.

SUPER AMIGO: Oh yes! The SUPER ESCUELA DE BELLAS ARTES! You can see SUPER BELLA art and statues and WHATEVER art your heart desires to see. Just go DOWWWWN two blocks, take a RIGHT down to MORE blocks this way, and walk 5 MORE blocks and THEERRREE you will find it!

We told him "gracias" though later I thought back on it and realized that we should have said something more like “You saved the day again SUPER AMIGO!”

Here is a photo of the SUPER ESCUELA DE BELLAS ARTES

"I've got a love emergency" might make a great song lyric

My roommates and I get a lot of catcalls and whistles in Lima and here are the top 5 reasons why:

1. we are white

2. we have light eyes

3. we have light hair

4. because Peruvians are more expressive than Americans

5. because my roommates are good looking

Here are the top 3 oddest catcalls I have received:

1. “Hola Leche” (hey milk) – because I am white, get it?
2. “Hola Arroz” (hey rice) – again, because I am white
3. “Que bo-ni-to An-ge-li-to” (what a pretty angel)

However, today – I got the catcall of all catcalls.

To hear this story, you must first understand that in Peru, when an ambulance is going down the street, they not only have bright flashing lights but also loudspeakers. Oftentimes you will hear a muffled voice say sharply, “Pull off to the side of the road!” and then, if people do not comply, “At this instant! Pull off to the side of the road!” and then, if people still do not comply, “HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL YOU PEOPLE!!! GET OFF THE ROAD!!! THIS IS A LIFE AND DEATH SITUATION! HAVE YOU NO HEART!!!” (ok so I have never actually heard the last loudspeaker saying – but I wouldn’t be surprised if it has been said).

Anyhow, this morning I was riding my bike and stared at the ambulance as it was passing me. Out of the loudspeaker, for all the world to hear, came, “Que bonito los ojos!” (translation: What pretty eyes you have).

Peruvian Culture Fact #1

In Peru, a common phrase is "poco a poco," or "little by little" as that is often how life goes here. It is a short way of saying, "things take time so lets all be patient." I hear it most often used with Americans who are furious when they find that something they wanted done for them by a Peruvian isn't happening in what they believe is reasonable time.

Today, the following usage of the word made my friends and I laugh silently at church today:

Pastor Ramiro (yelling): When you are born again, your life makes a 180 degree turn and its DRAMATIC! You don't say, "I used to be in a relationship with five women - but now that I am born again I am changed - I am in a relationship with only three!" Or... you don't say, "I used to get drunk off of five beers - but now that I am born again I am changed - I only get drunk off of one!"

A soft whine comes from someone sitting behind us: Poco a poco.

4 Christian Romances

Here are some Christian books I discovered but did not add to my last post - The fact that I did not make them up is even hard for me to believe.























"Eddie and Elaine Doherty's marriage crumbled when he slid into compulsive gambling ten years ago. Now, after a life-changing car wreck, Eddie desires only to live his life for God and family--his wife and two daughters--and to work toward making their ailing mushroom farm succeed. Will Eddie's newfound faith in Christ prove sufficient as times grow harder?"























"Lois Johnson broke up with her rich boyfriend who wasn't a Christian. She's committed to serving the Lord through her new job. When Slow-Joe the Clown falls into her lap, Lois wonders if he might be the man God has in mind for her. Can Joe connect with his real feelings, or will he spend the rest of his life clowning around?"
























"At first, Olivia passes over the ad incredulously. What kind of man advertises for a wife? But as time goes by and she can't find work, the "job" sounds more interesting. What better way to earn money for acting school? She can be Juliet to this Romeo, can't she?"
























"Michael is a fixer. Jeanie has spent the last year rebuilding her life. She knows God loves and has forgiven her. She finds herself stronger in that knowledge every day…until Michael arrives and brings with him all the regrets and shame of the past. Will Jeanie ever be able to trust herself or her husband again? Can Michael overcome his hurtful, controlling ways? Only God, the true Fixer of mankind, knows the answers."