3 Peruvian Videos

3.

The song in this Peruvian commercial pretty much says "you shouldn't worry, you shouldn't worry, guinea pig, magic, guinea pig, you shouldn't worry, you shouldn't worry." Its about credit cards and their magical guinea pig like power to make money appear out of nowhere.

2.

This one should have taken place in Peru, Kansas.

 

1.

And finally, my personal favorite "the Peruvian Dream"

A night at the opera

I had recently heard that Lima’s National Theater was reopening and that Friday night was the inauguration day. I looked at the advertisement for the Opera with longing at one point, but its always better not to think about the things you can’t have, so I didn’t after that.

But, on Friday, when Cynthia casually said that she was given two free tickets and didn’t want them I jumped into action mode, went home, changed into something nice, and hopped into a taxi to get there on time.

I felt sorry for the wasted opera ticket. It would have enjoyed being in the hands of one of my family members but none were in Lima at the time. It would have fluttered with joy to be grasped by the fingers of my music loving friends, but by the time I had called them, they already had plans for the night.

This was my first opera, so I have nothing to compare the rendition of “Barber of Seville” to, but I was very impressed by the blend of instruments, singing, composition of music, backdrops, costumes, and props. There was a giant pair of scissors, a set of 4 fake fireworks that exploded throughout the whole theater, as well as a scene where someone is carried away up into the air while he is holding onto his umbrella. The storyline I wasn’t too impressed with (just your typical forbidden love story) but I don‘t know if the storyline ever gets much better than that in an opera.

One of the best parts was seeing all the rich people schmoozing around. The grand opening pulled them in like a weekend trip to Miami. I probably saw some famous Peruvians, or got in the background of their pictures.

I snuck around snapping photos of the elegant environment, but wasn’t too impressed. The fire that burned down the theater twelve years ago must have consumed the history the building had collected over the years.

During the intermission I got up. A group of old ladies would not move their legs to let me go by much, so I just lifted up my legs and walked over all of them wherever I could fit a foot in. The last old lady scolded me for it, “Here, I will get up for you, what you are doing is not at all appropriate!” So I guess next time I need to take my time and attempt to coerce the old ladies to move their legs as a Peruvian would rather than risk making myself a spectacle at the opera.

Real Life Joke

Miguel and Cynthia and I are sitting to eat and I go up to pick up one of the thin Peruvian napkins. I intend to use the thin napkin as toilet paper as I am thinking "no restaurant that is this cheap will have toilet paper."

Suddenly, the chinese-peruvian man who is in charge of the restaurant gets up to stop me from taking the napkin as he knows what I intend on using the napkin for.

What he wanted to say:

 "Solo son para usa de la casa" - "those napkins are only for the restaurant's use"

What he said:

"Solo son para usa de la picchi" - "those napkins are only for pee-pee use."

Every person in the restaurant, a very small, but popular place, hear it and start to laugh.

Later, when Miguel asks the waitress for more napkins, she hands them to him, giggling.

Unknowingly Shmoozing

My friend Cynthia is good friends with the dean of her university Priest Johan Huys Leuridan (photo here) . Recently, I also have started a friendship with the man. He likes talking philosophy which I wish I knew more of so I could enter into much more profound debates with him.

Today, we went to visit him and encountered a señora eating some of his stock of wine and cheese. He had us sit down, I tried to start a conversation:

Me: So, what have you been talking of?
Señora: Oh, we have been discussing politics.
Me: Oh. Well I suppose I will be useless to your conversation. I know nothing about the politics of Peru!

After we left...

Cynthia: Eden! Do you know who that woman was? She is the mother of the prime minister of Peru!

 

 

Parallel Blogging

Since Paul has been down, he has been blogging about my life so if you want to know what I have been doing I would look at what he has written.

As Paul mentioned in his blog, at one point we found ourselves making havoc one night in a small town in the mountains.

When we decide to search abandoned houses, Miguel pulls up to one that is less abandoned.

We try to stop him.

Eden: Um, Miguel, remember? This house isn't abandoned. I think there was someone living here from the last time you tried to break in.

Miguel: We have to make sure that the car is always in the position to drive off quickly...(he parks the car in flight position) Alright lets go.

We all get out of the car, hear dogs barking and then immediately all of us but Miguel get back in. Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, there is a really creepy guy looking right at us from the house. Everyone gasps in fright and Miguel runs back to the car.

Miguel: Shoot! A dead guy! Lets get out of here!

Cynthia: No, let me talk to him (she shouts from her window cheerfully) Hello! We were just wanting to know...is the house abandoned or is it enchanted?

Hooded man: (doesn't respond but shakes his head slowly)

Cynthia: Alright then lets go.

Miguel: Look! He vanished!

Sure enough, the hooded fellow has disappeared into the darkness as quickly as he came. We leave quickly and drive by a couple of people sitting on the side of the road.

Miguel: Good evening sirs, have you seen any dead people?

Finally, we get pack to the hotel. The door is locked so after uselessly knocking on the door Miguel finds a way to break in. While he is going through the secret passage he found, the hotel grounds keeper (who looks like a Peruvian Argus Filtch) finally opens up the door for us.

Argus Filtch: Why are you young people out so late? Its almost midnight?

Miguel: (comes up from behind the old guy) Yeah! Whats taken you guys so long? Where have you been?

The next day, we finally make it back to Lima. When we get into the car, Paul continues to read his fantasy novel called "the endless light" or something.

Cynthia: We have been in the world of the mountains, now we are in the world of Lima but Paul continues to be in the world of Fantasy light.

Life

is to stand with Him in front of the mirror, a canvas

to gaze at the beautiful creation we see

And to gaze at the Beautiful Creator who has made us so

a body His brush

blood His paint

 

Only in Peru 2

Afterward it was my job to help the 2nd and 3rd grade female performers put away their costumes. I took them up to the second grade room and suddenly was surrounded by little 7 and 8 year old girls in the nude. Some took a moment before dressing themselves to enjoy prancing around the classroom. I quickly tried to put an end to it.

Me: Kara! Get some clothes on!
Kara: But I can't! Jasmine is wearing my shirt!
Me: Jasmine, give back her shirt and get your own.
Jasmine: But her shirt won't come off! It's too small! HELP ME MISS PAGE ITS SUFFOCATING ME!

...pretty crazy, but I still don't think that this experience matched last years Peruvian Awareness scandalousness.

Letter from home

Mom sent me this bit of news through email today:

"Daddy preached sunday it was one of his better ones
tho it was r rated.He talked about sexuality, graphic depictions
of a birth And bastards all in one sermon."

Playland Park

[gallery]

I had a pretty amazing weekend when Lindsay came down to visit. Fun included in the Eden weekend package includes...

...touching seaweed and starfish

...flying around in Peruvian amusement park rides

...standing in line waiting to get on Peruvian amusement park rides

...making fun of and taking secret pictures of crazy latino hair

...eating supper with Peruvians obsessed with giving wet willies

Ferretería

means hardware store, not ferret store just so you know. If it did mean ferret store, you would be able to easily get the following novelty items for your hideous rodents anywhere in Peru:

Anyway, Dale and I were in a ferretería a few months back and spotted these interestingly labeled boxes.

We wanted to ask the owner what the boxes mean, but decided against it. You don't want to risk talking to a guy who just might sell halves of human body parts.

The art of driving like a jerk

is something I would like to learn as it is the only way you can drive in Lima, Peru.

A weekend ago, my new international drivers license close at hand, I attempted to make my way through the streets of Lima.

I learned that driving in Lima is just like driving in the states but for three differences:

1. Peruvians in cars are just like Peruvians in person – they don’t see personal space as something that should exist in our universe.

2. You must be rude or you will never get anywhere. You have to pull in front of cars even when it is their turn to go. You have to force people to slam on their breaks so that you can pass them. You can feel free to make a left turn while in the right lane, cutting off a whole line of cars wanting to go straight. When you have your hands on the wheel, you must become a ferocious driving animal, ready to stomp over all in your path.

3. You can’t trust anyone. Everyone is a possible threat to the wellbeing of your car so you must honk at every possible movement in your direction.

[caption id="attachment_648" align="aligncenter" width="350" caption=" Poor Cynthia didn’t know what she was getting herself into when she handed the keys of her bebe over to Eden. "][/caption]

My first go at it was a success I believe. I only almost got into one wreck.

More Mannequins

I really shouldn't have made fun of these mannequins with this picture. As a group, these she mannequins have been mistreated, rejected by the ones who should have loved them. They are pieces attempting to be completed by other pieces in this small corner of a garage. On the outside, they show ideal beauty. Look into the depths of their eyes and you see that their bodies are empty shells.

It would be appropriate to juxtapose the photograph with Picasso's work revealing brothel life.

Why I buy old books:

[caption id="attachment_640" align="alignleft" width="500" caption="tee hee hee"][/caption]

"Scorch, pow!"

Post title is a famous Wanda quote from my favorite thing that comes from Canada, the TV show Corner Gas (even better than Red Green).

Peruvians love teasing.  And on the weekend of my birthday, I realized not only how much they tease, but how much they have rubbed off on me.




Stingers from one of the Peruvian weddings I went to this June:






1.

Cynthia: I can’t believe I painted my toenails hot pink! It looks awful! What was I thinking! What will other people think?

(she then sees a girl walk down the aisle wearing a bright blue hideous dress) Oh, I don’t feel so bad anymore.
2.

Pastor: So... Cynthia, Eden, just so that you girls are aware... that young gentlemen talking with Josue in the corner is a kind and considerate young man who is a Christian and single.
Cynthia: Pastor! You don't have to-
Pastor: -no comments necessary. Just so you are aware Cynthia, that is all. And there is also a very eligible young man, Jorge Malpartido who is studying to be a doctor.
Later...
Eden: Look Cynthia! There is the very eligible Jorge Malpartido!
Nadia: Eligible? Give him a briefcase and he will look like a Jehovah’s witness.



After church the following Sunday I invited friends over to my house to eat leftovers from my party, watch the world cup, and then hang out looking at the beach. One of the people who came was a leftover wedding guest from the states named Devin and, with him taking my place as the foreigner, I enjoyed finally being able to be the teaser rather than the teas-eee (Oh yeah, Devin, if you ever read this thank you for the cruel pleasure you brought us ... know that we only tease those we are comfortable with)

3.
(Nadia is telling Josue something)

Josue: Eden, you can translate that for Devin if you want to.

Eden: That’s alright, I’ll just translate what’s interesting.

Nadia: Hey!

Devin is watching us curious to know what we are laughing about.

Josue: That’s alright Devin, it’s not very interesting… (he then pulls Nadia and I into a huddle and we all fake laugh as if at Devin).

4.

Eden: Josue! What are you doing wearing your swimsuit to church along with a nice shirt?

Josue: Well it’s you who are always wearing your pajamas!

5.

Cynthia: Devin isn’t crazy like other American guys. He is much more calm and tranquil.

Eden: So in other words, boring.

6.

Devin: My zipper no longer works on my jacket so I just open it like this… (he takes his both hands and tears open his jacket zipper.

All of us: Gasp! Devin!

7.

Devin: I don’t like flying out of the Minneapolis airport because it means I have to leave my car there for a week until I get back.

Eden: What, you don’t have any friends?

Claudia: (surprised at my stinging comments) Eden! You are Peruvian now!

8.

Dale also joined in on the fun.

Nadia: Cynthia I don’t know where I put my phone, would you call me.

Cynthia calls Nadia and a ringing noise comes out of Nadia’s front jacket pocket.

Nadia: Oh, my cell phone is right here!

Dale: Gasp! You ate it?

Cry me a River Festival

I just found out on my friend Angi's blog that it's river festival time in Wichita.

If I was in the states, I doubt I would attend many of the events (especially as the canoe races no longer exist), but I still don't like the idea of river festival happening while I am in Peru. Perhaps because I have so many memories of it as a kid.

I remember going to the river festival parade one or two years in this:


When all five of us siblings had been born, all three of us girls sat in it without seatbelts in all fearlessness. Paul would ride his small bike alongside us and mama would have baby Joel in a bike seat behind her. It made sense for all of us to go to the parade by bike because so many of the streets would be blocked off for vehicles. Daddy made (and still makes) the craziest inventions.

Below are canoe race pictures as well as Grace when she was tubby:

In Honor of Mama

One thing I appreciate about my mom is that she patiently writes emails filled with recipes and enjoyable facts to appease me as I live out my decision to be overseas.

June 28, 2005, my mother sent her very first email. It was to Dale and I. Dale was working at camp at the time while I was doing an internship in San Diego:

Eden and Dale
My first email of my very own. Dad and I met Robbie today for lunch .
She made it seem like Eden you are having a goood experience. Lots of
variety in things to see and do. Joels lone bird is lonely and sits at bottom of cage we need to get
another bird for it.
Dad may go to stafford sat.
Love mom

Mama’s emails are always interesting as they often have the following characteristics:

-          honest comments about life in general – so that I don’t miss a single thing while I am away

-          words misspelled or abbreviated to such an extent that even Aunt Anne, a lover of puzzles, is challenged in trying to decipher what they say.

-          other accidents revealing of her inability to understand technology.



Here are some email excerpts to show what I mean:

Eden/ I hope you got homework done. Grace was helping Joel with his math and I thot they would both end up crying.

love ma

(Note: It’s intriguing to me that she always signs her letters “ma.” Perhaps she is trying to save time by not typing an additional “m” and “a”?)




Dad has all 3 mowers working wow!
I missed pool ball monday night. I hear in midst of game Grandpa had boxer shorts fallen at his feet. Everyone loled. I guess they were stuck in a pant leg from washing and at that moment fell out.







The church pool party was good. tho at church we prayed that God would bless pools everywhere.
Why am I most tempted to laugh when we have casual sunday and are sitting in a semi circle.




Are you watching the
olympics? The swimming is fun. I am looking forward to trying some of the new moves.





We may go to a live enactment of a civil war battle. I think it will be fun just watching people who really love that sort of thing.
love ma




Dear Paul and Eden
I miss you guys when we do family projects. Dad has been nervous (I know its hard
to imagine) about burning the piles lately and has put it off but there was no wind so I initiated it. The big hole we will
save for when more people can help.
Joel is helping me with KFC now that cc is over. It is small yet but well liked.
Paul you should get involved with a ministry (that is very attractive to strong christian babes.)
Paul sorry to run ahead on the gifts but I would love frisbee golf frisbees or discs for x mas.
enough to bring a few friends and maybe loose a few.(discs not friends).






Dear Eden
Are you settled in this semester?  We are getting there.  I had a bsf mgt.
and start kfc today.

I could write more but
I prefer phone conv. hint hint.
love ma




Dear Family
We will have Easter Lunch here. Come and bring a friend. I will invite Hawkinsons as its really not easter w/o kids greedily looking for eggs. (sorry Eden May you have a wonderful peruvian Easter)
love ma

And now for the grand finale! One day I got an email in my inbox saying that I had got a voicemail from my mom...

Welcome to our Batismal...

[caption id="attachment_605" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="The Baptees"][/caption]

My church would not be so interesting if it were not so small.

Two Sundays ago, three friends of mine were all getting baptized.

Before baptizing everyone, the pastor pulled each baptee up to share their testimony and said a  flourishy statement to the crowd in a most Peruvian way.

His statement to the man on the right in the photo above was classic:

Pastor: Martin, come forward.
Martin: (comes forward)
Pastor: We are here to witness the baptism of Martin Mendoza Espinoza Mechinara Malpartido.
Crowd: (laughs)
Pastor: We can laugh at such a grand name, but the fact is that our brother now has adopted the most grand name of all: the name (dramatic pause) of Jesucristo.

El Pastor called up Pepito to be baptized first. Pepito's eyes got big when he got into the water. "Apparently, the water is frigid," we all thought innocently. Little did we know what Pepito would confess later: That he really had to pee and at that moment couldn't hold it in.

My freshly baptized friends' words upon hearing it: WHAT? I AM GOING TO KILL HIM!

[caption id="attachment_606" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The confessing culprit"][/caption]

She can make a cherry pie...

...quick as a cat can wink her eye.

If the cat is dead. It had been two years since I had tasted a cherry pie. I was thinking about it more and more. I even dreamed about pie.

Then it happened.
I was walking through the grocery store and I saw some canned cherries imported from Chile. It was beautiful.



[caption id="attachment_597" align="alignright" width="300" caption="I then took out the seeds from all 3 cans. "][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_599" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="And after a few more important steps, I had completed my first ever cherry pie."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_596" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Pink eye update (for Dale): Former crustiness is beginning to flow out of my eye in a smooth stream. A sign of healing I hope. This is all so exciting."][/caption]

Pink eye update (according to Joel)

Some inflammation of the eye has occurred with a slight tingling sensation on the lower half. Also upon waking up, I find a trail of dried blood proceeding from my tear duct. This really is fascinating. I'll keep you updated!

Wood Eye? Wood Eye?

Today I was introducing a new assignment to my highschoolers when one of them interrupted me:

Japanese male student: Miiiiissss!
Miss Page: Not now, let me finish.
Japanese male student: But Miss! Your eyeeeee!
Miss Page: Wait a minute, what?
Peruvian female student: MISS! You have PINK EYE!
Miss Page: Really?

I looked in the mirror and sure enough, half of my eye was pink.

Later, while talking to my Peruvian female student I noticed that she wouldn't even look at me when she was talking to me. When I asked her what was wrong she told me "I don't want you to infect me with pink eye."

"Vanessa!" I told her, "you can't catch pink eye just by looking at it!"
"But Miss, yes you can!"
I tried persuading her using logic and scientific fact, but she still would not believe me nor look at me for the rest of class.

Pink eye update: Subject is tearing up although no physical or emotional pain is present. Entire left eye of subject is now pink.